she is no more

I came to Arambagh and I was told that my dadi is no more!
I did not know how to react on such shocking news... I tried to remember how I reacted when my dadu passed away: I cried a lot. But that time I was a small boy so it suited me. Now I have grown up so it would be a little bit awkward to react in the same manner I thought. So I reacted like a matured man remaining silent.
I tried to remember her face, the last time I saw her (in November, 2008), and how she cried when I left for Delhi. The word Delhi started to make me go mad with anguish: I did not come back from Delhi in January though I had a scope. She asked me to bring something for her; but I couldn't... may be didn't as I thought she would live for some more years: how fucking immature I was.
I felt like killing me brutally. She always had been on my side, - whatever I did, whatever didn't, always. She always made me feel that there was someone who loved me from the core of her heart. She even offered her own blood (cutting her chest with knife) to Goddess Kali when I was ill. She prayed for me leaving food and water when I was injured. She cried out taking my name for hours on hospital bed when she was shivering with pain. She sometimes hallucinated me when I was not with her...
She used to say: "don't worry 'dadubhai', I will not be able to live without you. So when I will die I will not leave this world because you live here. I will roam around you always protecting my 'babam' from all evils. And whenever you want to see me, just call me. I will be there. That’s a promise".
It’s the first time ever she has not kept her promise. I have been waiting for her for the last four months...